Posts Tagged ‘BDSM’
She had a list in her mind. A list of things she was to do and to remember for the visit. It would be the first visit, after many months of online teasing. She was driving down his street now, checking the numbers, painfully aware there was nothing beneath her short, black dress.
No bra, no panties.
These were the rules. She didn’t always like rules but she’d followed these, for him. She got a tiny thrill out of doing something just because he’d told her to. It pleased him that, in spite of not having particularly submissive personality, she had the yearning to follow his rules.
Dragon Silk Wrist Cuffs
Read my review of Leatherbeathen’s Dragon Silk Wrist Cuffs on EdenCafe.com
I recently completed a review at EdenFantasys.com for Leatherbeaten’s Dragon Silk Ankle Restraints. I was lucky enough to get the cuffs in red and black, but as you can see, they come in three colors.
Clover Clamps from Babeland.com
Clover Clamps.
They are not what I would call beginner clamps. Also known as Butterfly Clamps, they are unique because when you tug on the chain that connects them, the pressure on your nipples (or clit, or labia or whatever) tightens. The clamps use spring tension to grip your flesh and when you tug, the tension increases.
Thinking about making your first nipple clamp purchase? Babeland actually has a nice little guide on tips and things to think about when selecting your clamps and also what to expect when using them. It’s worth a read.
Without tugging, these clamps are tight. They grip well with nubbed pads and they are seriously uncomfortable without any additional pressure needed. The chain between the clamps is heavy and does provide a very slight pull just from the gravity of the chain. Even with this slight weight, the pads grip well and hold the clamps in place.
And when you tug, they don’t slide off, they grip harder. It hurts. But that is what they are designed to do. While clamping them to your nipples causes a significant amount of discomfort, taking them off will hurt even more.
Tugging on them is one of the more obvious uses, but also, you can use them to hold someone in position. Attach some kind of rope or chain or tether to the chain that binds these clamps and watch as the wearer realizes any attempt to move away will only result in more tension and more pain.
I happen to be a big fan of nipple torture. It’s one of the few forms of pain I experience with pleasure. I have been wanting a set of Clover Clamps for ages, but for some reason, I never bothered to get a pair. Still, when I saw these were available for review, I jumped at the chance to try them out. These particular clamps, sold by Babeland.com, seem to be sturdy and of decent construction. The pinchers do sometimes get caught on each other when squeezed to open the clamps, but it just hangs a bit and doesn’t really impede their function. These clamps sell for $24 and more than meet my expectations at that price. I would happily purchase them if I hadn’t been fortunate enough to receive them for free.
Many thanks to Babeland.com for sending me these clamps to review.
The Collar of Protection aka “I’m under the protection of Sir Domly Master X, please contact him if you have issues or wish to speak with me.”
I don’t get it. I try, I really do, but I do not see any legitimate reason for a submissive to wear a so-called protection collar. I say legitimate because whenever I have discussed it with people who wear or issue them, I often get the standard spiel about predators and victimization.
Um. Sure. I completely agree there are predatory type people zoning in on the new and the clueless, looking to sink his or her claws into the next victim.
But that can be said of any social or dating situation. If vanilla folk don’t seem to need special guides or body guards to help navigate their own dating lives, why should we?
Cuz we like the drama, that’s why. Oh yes, we do. Submissive folks love attention, and of course we often like to belong to someone. Some of us like to leap before we look and end up in bad, often dangerous situations.
Victims.
Often, said victims thrive on victimization. They get off on the drama that ensues. They get off on other dominant types coming to their defense, people taking sides, all the hullabaloo over little ole subbie girl who got abused when she didn’t want it.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying abuse isn’t serious or that being a victim of abuse isn’t a legitimately shitty thing to be. But don’t expect sympathy from me when it becomes obvious you plan to milk your victim status for all it’s worth. I’m not saying this is the case all the time or even most of the time. I couldn’t speak to statistics. But situationally, this happens, it’s common.
My problem with is this: you are an adult. You should be capable of taking care of yourself, standing up for yourself and saying no when you don’t want something.
And you should be getting to know someone and negotiating boundaries before setting yourself up to hand over power over you and your body You should know someone well enough beforehand to predict with accuracy that if you say no, it will be respected.
It is your responsibility to protect yourself. If you haven’t done these things then don’t come crying to me about getting hurt.
You cannot get upset one week after you got spanked because you never said it he could spank you. Even tho you made it clear you like spankings and when he did it, you giggled.
You cannot get upset if you tell someone you have no limits, don’t need a safeword and he can do whatever he wants to you and then he beats you black and blue. Especially when he says before hand that he plans to beat you black and blue.
You cannot get upset if you meet up with a stranger in a hotel room and he pulls a gun on you and fucks you with it even tho you say no.
Because you’ve put yourself in an unsafe situation where becoming a victim is not just possible, it’s LIKELY. It was foreseeable and predictable and you ignored the risk. Or welcomed it. Either way, you don’t get to play victim when you handed yourself over to a stranger and said “do what you want.”
BDSM is not an excuse to get someone else to act as your parent so you don’t have to grow up and take responsibility for your own well being.
BDSM is not an excuse to set yourself up as a victim so everyone will rush to your defense and fawn over poor you and vilify whoever spanked you without justification.
You have to look out for yourself and you cannot assume you are safe with someone you’ve known for 3 hours or even three days. You really can’t even assume you are safe with someone who has been approved to play with you by your protection collar holder.
A protection collar is nothing more than an excuse for not taking care of yourself. It’s an excuse for shrugging off responsibility for your own well being and it does nothing to encourage or teach you to take up that responsibility.
You have to pay attention and take responsibility for getting involved with people who will hurt you. Be a grown up. Ask around. Watch for signs that your wants and needs and limits will not be respected.
And when you see them, walk the fuck away. Do not hide behind a protection collar, do not call in the cavalry to save you and put on a big dramatic show.
Seriously, if you are going to play on the big kids playground, man up and protect yourself instead depending upon others for it. Either that or stay in the little kid’s sandbox until you are ready to act like an adult.
