Licentiously Yours

Review ~ The Opening of Misty Beethoven ~ Read this and win porn!

Last Updated on Thursday, 17 December 2009 02:18
Written by Laurel
Monday, 23 November 2009 10:34

The Opening of Misty Beethoven

I’ve had this movie sitting on my “Reviews To Do” shelf for a couple months. It’s taken me this long to get to it for a variety of reasons but mostly because upon first watching it, I hated it. I thought it was so bad, I couldn’t sit through it in one sitting. I hesitated to start the review because I knew, on some level, part of why I disliked it was purely a contextual issue.

The porn world was different back in the 70’s. Movies were shot differently, people looked different, dressed differently and apparently razors had not been invented yet.

And I prefer the look of today’s porn. But, does my personal preference for different porn mean The Opening of Misty Beethoven is a worthless piece of crap?

No, probably not. So, lets take a look around, shall we? Maybe it’s your thing, even if it wasn’t mine.

The Plot
Most high-school grads will recognize this take on the George Bernard Shaw play, Pygmalion. Still others will know the plot from the broadway musical, My Fair Lady .

In this version, a sexologist tries transforming a cheap, porn-theater hooker into a celebrity sex queen for the end goal of seducing a notorious homosexual artist with whom he is adversaries. And of course, in the process, he falls in love with her.

On the surface, this seems very nearly like a feature film. It hails from an era when porn makers were trying to break into major motion picture type acceptance with their hardcore films. Think Deep Throat. Think Debbie Does Dallas. Think Caligula.

As a result, this feels like a pretty normal, although not super-sophisticated, feature film from the 70’s with a spattering sex tossed in. Sometimes it makes sense and works with the plot and sometimes it’s just randomly there for atmosphere.

Are you bored? I'm bored. You look bored. Yeah, so do you.

The Sex
If you watch porn for the sex, you may be disappointed with this flick. There are a few sex “scenes” but a great deal of the action is sort of splattered in bits and pieces throughout the film as a means of moving the story along. Misty is shown practicing blow jobs for a couple seconds, then we move on and the butler is fucking the maid for a minute or so… etc. etc.

The scenes they do have are slow moving, which I think is an attempt to be seductive and sensual, but it just comes as boring. There is no urgency, no expression of passion that made an impression on me at all. Eventually, I was desperate for even a fake moan or scream. The whole tone of the movie – sex wise – was just luke warm to me. There is an attempt to convey an increase in passion and urgency with music sometimes, but this also drowns out any human sounds that may or may not been uttered at the time.

All Natural
If you’d rather the boobs be real and the pubic hair be all there, this is absolutely a flick you will enjoy.

It’s not that pubic hair turns me off, really. In the real world, pubic hair really isn’t an issue at all. It really doesn’t matter to me if you’ve got it all or if you’ve got none. But here, it was just distracting as all hell. Instead of watching people have sex I was just looking at all that hair (And the makeup but that’s another topic)! Let’s face it, I was weaned on practically hairless porn and this visual was not something I was prepared for. At all.

The Verdict
In the end, I was disappointed. The movie ended up being slightly entertaining, as a movie, especially after watching Inside Deep Throat recently. After watching the documentary, I had a better appreciation for what porn was and was trying to be at the time.

But as a porn flick that turned me on, this movie is an utter fail. Still, many thanks to Babeland.com for sending me this to review.

The Giveaway
Of course, I am sure there are loads of people for whom all that turned me off about this movie, will be a turn on for them. And to those people I say The Opening of Misty Beethoven is worth checking out. In fact, I will give you a chance to check it out for free!

I do not plan to watch this film again and I was trying to imagine what the point of keeping it would be when I realized I could just give it to one of my readers who might actually enjoy it!

And so… a contest! I am all about keeping things simple, so all you have to do is leave a comment on this post and you are entered. You can tweet about it or link here from your own blog, but all that will get you is good contest karma. A winner will be chosen from all entries made by Midnight, Sunday, December 6th (CST). I will announce the winner Monday, Dec 7th, two weeks from today.

P.S. If you want to comment but do not want to be entered to win, just say so in your comment.

This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 23rd, 2009 at 10:34 pm and is filed under Adult Movie Review, Babeland.com, Contests, Rants, Sex Toy Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.